How to Find a Girlfriend

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 18, 2024

No matter what stage of life you’re at, finding a girlfriend can be really hard. Your friends may have no problems finding great girlfriends, but maybe you keep finding yourself on your own. Finding a girlfriend involves getting out into the world, being open to meeting new people, and getting help from friends.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Finding Potential Girlfriends

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1
Identify your criteria. Think about the things that you definitely want in a girlfriend. Perhaps you want to find someone who shares your religious views, or someone who definitely wants children. Identify your “must-haves” in a potential girlfriend.
- Think about both major and minor criteria. Someone with the same values and life views as you is probably important. But you might also think about whether you want someone who will run marathons with you, or someone who will binge-watch TV with you, or someone who works in the same industry as you.
- While you may want a girlfriend who you think is extremely physically attractive, avoid putting this at the top of your list. Your relationship should be based on something less superficial than good looks.
2
Get out into the world. Chances are, you’re not going to meet anyone if you stay holed up in your house. Get out of your usual routines and hang out in public places where you might meet new people. Think about visiting these types of places frequently:
- Grocery store
- Bookstore or library
- Coffee shop
- Park
- Hiking trail
- Music shop
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3
Try new activities. If you’re having trouble finding potential women to date, you may need to try something new to open up your circle of acquaintances. Try a new hobby or join a club, such as skiing or hiking.
- Try to have some level of interest in the activity. Don’t just pretend to like an activity because there are lots of girls doing it too. Otherwise, you will start off a potential relationship with falseness.
- If you are in school, try taking a different type of class than what you normally take. Even if you don’t feel like you’re a creative person, you might take art or drama class. You can get to know this girl in one of her favorite classes.
You may have a very particular idea about what kind of woman you’re attracted to. But there are all types of people with whom you can become very good friends and potentially romantic partners. Try not to judge a book by its cover.
Expand your social circle by getting more women friends. You may have initially considered a woman as potential girlfriend material but then decided it wouldn’t work out. Don’t immediately write off this person. You two can still be friends. What’s more, she probably has lots of girlfriends.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Asking for Help in Finding a Girlfriend

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Many relationships happen because someone told his friends that he’s looking for a relationship. Your friends might know someone who is single and looking, and they might help you make a connection.
It has become much more common for people to connect with each other via online dating websites like e-Harmony and Match.com. Scope out these sites and join one. Fill out your profile and be open to getting to know other people.
Go on blind dates. Your friends and family want to help you be happy. They might set you up on a blind date to meet a girl, which can be uncomfortable. Take a risk, though, by agreeing to the blind date. Think of it as an opportunity to meet someone new and interesting.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Talking With Potential Girlfriends

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1
Approach her when and where she feels relaxed. Choose an appropriate time and place to talk with a woman. Grocery stores, museums, coffee shops and dog parks are great places to meet women who are enjoying themselves and usually feeling relaxed.^{[1]
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- When a woman is at a bar or club, she is already on her guard. She may not be looking for a long-term relationship, or she might be out with the girls for the night. The place is not ideal for connecting with someone more than casually.
2
Be friendly and light-hearted. People generally appreciate a good sense of humor. Be friendly and make light-hearted jokes to make the girl laugh.^{[2]
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Research source} There are a lot of different situations that lend themselves to demonstrating your sense of humor. Try making jokes at the following things:^{[3]
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- The circumstance around you. If you’re at a park or walking down the street and you notice something funny, say something about it.
- Make a joke about yourself. If you’re really tall, talk about how you can see the next city from your viewpoint.
- Tell a funny story about yourself. Did you get into a silly fight in middle school? Tell her about it, and be sure to include the details about the ridiculous clothes you wore at the time or what song you rocked out to right before you got into the fight.
- Talk about current events. Some things that happen in the news or with celebrities can be good material for making jokes.
- These jokes might work well as your personal inside jokes later on.
- Careful not to use crude or offensive humor. Until you know someone very well, this type of humor should be avoided at all costs.
3
Give her a compliment. Show her that you’ve noticed something about her by complimenting her on it. For example, you might tell her:
- ”I really like your hair long like that.”
- “You made some really smart points in the class debate today.”
- ”You’re really easy to talk to.”
Once you find out the girl’s name, be sure to use it several times in the conversation. You might want to write it down later to help you remember it.
5
Don’t let the potential for rejection stop you. You might be nervous about talking with a girl because she might reject you. Don’t let fears of rejection prevent you from striking up a conversation. At the very worst, she will ignore you or tell you to go away. But at best, she will return the conversation.
- This also helps demonstrate your confidence. View this as an opportunity for acceptance.
6
Don’t be superficial. When you meet someone new, give her a chance even if she doesn’t immediately fulfill your ideal of the perfect girlfriend. Don’t eliminate someone for silly or superficial reasons.
- Make sure you don’t only compliment this person on her physical appearance. You can tell her that she looks pretty, but make sure you also compliment her on her artistic sense or her ability to weave through rush-hour traffic.
7
Try talking to her more than once. If you like someone but your first conversation didn’t go well, definitely talk with her again. It may be that she was distracted or under a lot of stress when you first met.
- You might need to arrange “accidentally” bumping into her. For example, if you initially met her at the dog park, keep taking your dog there regularly until you see her again.
Don’t make a girl feel uncomfortable by acting possessive, following her around, or trying to talk to her about inappropriate things. Give her some personal space that will set the right tone for a potential relationship.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Improving Yourself

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1
Be confident. Having confidence will demonstrate to a potential girlfriend that you consider yourself worthy of knowing. Believe in your abilities, treat others with respect, and carry yourself with confidence.
- Having positive and confident body language will convey to other people that you respect yourself and that you are confident. This type of body language includes making regular eye contact, smiling a lot and acting friendly, and standing up straight.
Be yourself. Acknowledge who you are and what you really like. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. Don’t try to please other people who want you to change. Take pride in your strengths and the qualities that make you unique.

Mark Manson, Dating Coach

Being honest about who you are and what you want in a relationship is key to finding the right partner. Don't misrepresent yourself or pretend to be someone else. Instead, focus on becoming the best version of you, developing self-confidence and social skills, while also looking for a woman with shared interests and values.
This will show potential girlfriends that you care about yourself enough that you treat your body well. Eat plenty of healthy foods, get enough sleep, and get regular exercise. Cut back on alcohol and stop smoking.
Don’t dedicate all of your time to finding a girlfriend. Make sure to continue spending time with your friends. It’s important that you keep your own interests in mind as you search for a girlfriend.

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Tips

Try to assess the situation before you approach a girl. If she appears attached already, or appears uninterested, you should change your approach. This doesn’t mean that you should avoid this person, however. If she’s already attached, chances are that she has some great single girlfriends she can introduce you to.

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Warnings

Just because one girl rejects you doesn't mean others will.

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Helpful 26 Not Helpful 19
The older you get, the harder it is to find a girlfriend.

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Helpful 42 Not Helpful 41
Don't look for a girlfriend because of social pressure; it's counterproductive because it can make you desperate and attract the wrong person.

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Helpful 16 Not Helpful 13
Never do reckless acts or ridiculous antics to "impress" her, the least she would do would be to label you as immature or a clown.

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Helpful 11 Not Helpful 11
Not finding a girlfriend is not a reason to choose celibacy (to become a priest or a monk). The latter is only for those who have a true vocation.

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Helpful 12 Not Helpful 13
Never bother or harass a girl. Apart from looking very ugly, this can get you into serious trouble, in fact there are countries where harassing women is a crime punishable by imprisonment.

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If, in order to be your girlfriend, she makes unreasonable demands (such as asking you for expensive gifts, to take her to exclusive places, to have luxury items, etc.) or simply tries to benefit at your expense, it is better to stay away from her because she is a selfish person.

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Make sure she is single, i.e. does not have a boyfriend.
- It's often not a good idea to trust a girl who tells you right off the bat that she doesn't have a boyfriend: there have been cases of girls who do have a boyfriend but blatantly deny it in order to manipulate or trap unwary guys. In this case, it's best to avoid them so you don't get hurt; besides, these girls are definitely not reliable even as friends.
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