Unit Four
下面的文章选自奈杰尔贝诺克瑞提斯的婚姻与家庭。此书在美国的一些大学里被用作社
会学和妇女研究等课程的教材，它强调了在当代社会和家庭中所发生的重要变化，探索了家庭成员所面临的选择，以及我们很多人都还未意识到的种种约束。该书还审视了当今美国家
庭的多样性，运用跨文化和多元文化的比较，以激发创造性思维来研究21世纪家庭所面临的许多严峻问题。
爱和情感连系
奈杰尔·贝诺克瑞提斯1爱，对于人类的生存是不可或缺的。它既是一种情感，又是一种行为。家庭通常是我
们最早和最重要的爱和情感支持的来源。众所周知，缺乏爱的婴幼儿会产生各种各样的问题，
如抑郁症、头痛、生理残疾、神经质或身心疾病，这些病有时会伴随他们一生。而对比之下，拥有爱和拥抱的婴儿通常体重增加得快，哭得少，而笑得多。到了五岁时，他们的智商和语言测试的分数明显比前一类儿童高得多。
1 Love- as both an emotion and a behavior- is essential for human survival- The family is
usually our earliest and most important source of love and emotional support. Babies and
children deprived of love have been known to develop a wide variety of problems- for example, depression, headaches, physiological impairments, and neurotic and psychosomatic difficulties- that sometimes last a lifetime. In contrast, infants who are loved and cuddled typically gain more weight, cry less, and smile more. By five years of age, they have been found to have
significantly higher IQs and to score higher on language tests.
2很多研究发现婴儿获得关爱的质量会影响到他们以后的交友，在学校的表现，如何应
对陌生的或可能充满压力的情况，以及他们成年后如何建立并且维系情感连系。正是因为这些原因，人们与家庭成员的早期亲密关系才如此至关重要。在人情冷漠的环境中(如孤儿院，某些寄养家庭，或缺乏关爱的家庭)长大的孩子会出现情感和社会性发育不良，语言和运动
技能迟缓，以及精神健康问题。
Much research shows that the quality of care infants receive affects how they later get along
with friends, how well they do in school, how they react to new and possibly stressful situations, and how they form and maintain loving relationships as adults. It is for these reasons that
people's early intimate relationships within their family of origin1 are so critical. Children who
are raised in impersonal environments (orphanage, some foster homes, or unloving families)
show emotional and social underdevelopment, language and motor skills retardation, and mental health problems.
3对自己的爱，或者说自爱，对我们的社会性和情感发展也是至关重要的。女演员梅·韦斯特曾说过，“我从没有像爱自己那样爱过别人。”虽然这样的话听起来似乎有些以自我为中心，实际上却是相当有见地。社会学家将自爱描述为自尊的一个重要基础。从别的方面来说，自我喜欢的人更乐于接受批评，对别人的要求也不那么苛刻。弗罗姆(1956)认为自爱是爱别人的先决条件。不喜欢自己的人也许不懂得回报爱，而却有可能不停地寻找爱的关系来改变
卑微的自我形象。那么到底什么是爱?是什么让人们走到一起?
3 Love for oneself, or self-love, is also essential for our social and emotional development.
Actress Mae West once said, "I never loved another person the way I loved myself." Although
such a statement may seem self-centered, it's actually quite insightful Social scientists describe
self-love as an important oasis for self- esteem. Among other things, people who like themselves are more open to criticism and less demanding of others. Fromm (1956) saw self-love as a necessary prerequisite for loving others. People who don't like themselves may not be able to return love but may constancy seek love relationships to bolster their own poor self-images. But just what is love? What brings people together?
4爱是一个难以描述的概念。我们都经历过爱，觉得我们知道爱是什么，然而当被问到
什么是爱时，人们给出的答案却不尽相同，比如一个九岁的男孩说，“爱像雪崩，你必须快跑才能活命。”爱对我们来说意味着什么，这取决于我们所指的是家人之间、朋友之间还是
恋人之间的爱。几百年来爱都是灵感、俏皮的揶揄、甚至是政治活动的来源。
4 Love is an elusive concept. We have all experienced love and feel we know what it is; however, when asked what love is, people give a variety of answers. According to a nine-
year-old boy, for example, "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
What we mean by love depends on whether we are talking about love for family members, friends, or lovers. Love has been a source of inspiration, wry witticisms, and even political
action for many centuries.
5爱有很多层面，它可能是浪漫的，令人激动的，让人着迷的，或者是非理性的。它也
可能是柏拉图式的，令人平静的，无私的，或者理智的。许多研究者觉得爱没有一个唯一的
定义，它有程度和强度之分，并且跨越了社会背景。拥有恋爱关系至少需要具备三个元素：
1)愿意取悦和迁就另一方，即使需要妥协或牺牲；2)能接受另一方的错误和缺点；3)关心爱人的幸福像关心自己一样。而且，说自己“处于恋爱中”的人们重视相互之间的关心、亲密
和忠诚。
5 Love has many dimensions. It can be romantic, exciting, obsessive, and irrational- It can also
be platonic, calming, altruistic, and sensible? Many researchers feel that love defies a single definition because it varies in degree and intensity and across social contexts. At the very least, three elements are necessary for a loving relationship: (1) a willingness to please and accommoda te the other person, even if this involvescompromise and sacrifice; (2) an acceptance of the other p erson's faults and shortcomings; and (3) as much concern about the loved one's welfare as one's o wn. And, people who say they are "in love" emphasize caring, intimacy, and commitment.
6不管是哪种类型的爱，关心另一方是非常必要的。虽然爱可能包含激情的渴望，然而
相互尊重才是更重要的品质。相互尊重是所有爱的共性：“我想要我爱的人为他自己成长发展，并且用他自己的方式，而不是为了迎合我。”如果没有尊重和关怀，两人的关系就不是
建立在爱的基础上；反而成为一种不健康的或者是具有占有欲的依赖，而这会限制爱的双方在社会、情感和智力方面的发展。
6 In any type of love, caring about the other person is essential. Although love may,
involve passionate yearning, respect is a more important quality. Respect is inherent in
all love: "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own
ways, and not for the purpose of serving me." If respect and caring are missing, the
relationship is not based on love. Instead, it is an unhealthy or possessive dependency
that limits the lovers' social, emotional, and intellectual growth.
7爱，特别是长久的爱，和我们从好莱坞、电视、或爱情小说中获得的对爱和狂热的性
爱的印象完全不同。由于这些印象的缘故，许多人对爱有各种各样的误解，这些误解常常会导致不现实的期望、固定模式或幻觉破灭。事实上，“真”爱更接近于一位作家(约翰逊，1995)所称的“搅燕麦粥之爱”。这种爱既不令人激动也不能令人兴奋，但是它却是实实在在的，
不浪漫的。它是付账单，倒垃圾，刷马桶，孩子生病时守夜，以及完成其他各种各样不那么
