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The Way I Used to Be

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The Way I Used to Be Hardcover – March 22, 2016

by Amber Smith (Author)

4.5 13,959 ratings

Book 1 of 2: The Way I Used to Be

Goodreads Choice Award nominee

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A New York Times bestseller!

In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

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Book 1 of 2

The Way I Used to Be
Print length

384 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Margaret K. McElderry Books
Publication date

March 22, 2016
Grade level

9 - 12
Reading age

14 years and up
Dimensions

5.5 x 1.2 x 8.25 inches
ISBN-10

9781481449359
ISBN-13

978-1481449359
Lexile measure

HL640L
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Popular Highlights in this book

What are popular highlights?

All you have to do is act like you’re normal and okay, and people start treating you that way.
Highlighted by 1,673 Kindle readers
All these maybes swimming around my head make me think that “maybe” could just be another word for hope.
Highlighted by 1,304 Kindle readers
And I really wonder how people get to be normal like this. How they just seem to know what to say and do, automatically.
Highlighted by 1,167 Kindle readers

From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews

Review

“This young adult novel is an unflinching look at the struggles of a rape victim to process her trauma and find the strength to rebuild her life.” -- Laurie Halse Anderson, New York Times bestselling and award-winning author of Speak and Shout

"A poignant and painfully honest survival story about the aftermath of trauma. Amber Smith weaves Eden's narrative with a deft, empathetic touch that doesn't shy away from difficult truths. This is a courageous, necessary, and beautiful book."

-- Kathleen Glasgow, author of Girl in Pieces, The Agathas, and How to Make Friends With the Dark

"The Way I Used to Be explores the aftermath of sexual assault with a precision and searing honesty that is often terrifying, sometimes eerily beautiful, and always completely true. It is The Hero's Journey through a distorted circus mirror--one girl's quest to turn desperation into courage, to become a survivor instead of a victim. Amber Smith gets it exactly right." -- Amy Reed, author of BEAUTIFUL and CLEAN

STARRED REVIEW “This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life….Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak. VERDICT An important addition for every collection.” ― School Library Journal

“A difficult, painful journey, but teens who have experienced rape and abuse will be grateful for this unvarnished and ultimately hopeful portrait. Eden’s shell-shocked narrative is an excellent narrative conduit for what Smith has to say.” -- Booklist ― February 1, 2016

"Readers will root for her as she gathers the courage, at last, to speak up." ― B&N Teen blog

"The Way I Used To Be is an intensely gripping and raw look at secrets, silence, speaking out, and survival in the aftermath of a sexual assault. A must-have for every collection that serves teens." ― SLJ / Teen Librarian Toolbox

“Edy’s exploration of the meaning of sexuality and intimacy will be thought provoking for teen readers of various experience levels, and this title is likely to find space alongside [Laurie Halse] Anderson’s Speak." ― BCCB

“A heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength.” ― The Boston Globe

About the Author

Amber Smith is the New York Times bestselling author of the young adult novels The Way I Used to Be, The Last to Let Go, Something Like Gravity, and The Way I Am Now. An advocate for increased awareness of gendered violence, as well as LGBTQ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help to foster change and spark dialogue surrounding these issues. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her wife and their ever-growing family of rescued dogs and cats. You can find her online at AmberSmithAuthor.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1
I DON’T KNOW A LOT of things. I don’t know why I didn’t hear the door click shut. Why I didn’t lock the damn door to begin with. Or why it didn’t register that something was wrong—so mercilessly wrong—when I felt the mattress shift under his weight. Why I didn’t scream when I opened my eyes and saw him crawling between my sheets. Or why I didn’t try to fight him when I still stood a chance.

I don’t know how long I lay there afterward, telling myself: Squeeze your eyelids shut, try, just try to forget. Try to ignore all the things that didn’t feel right, all the things that felt like they would never feel right again. Ignore the taste in your mouth, the sticky dampness of the sheets, the fire radiating through your thighs, the nauseating pain—this bulletlike thing that ripped through you and got lodged in your gut somehow. No, can’t cry. Because there’s nothing to cry about. Because it was just a dream, a bad dream—a nightmare. Not real. Not real. Not real. That’s what I keep thinking: NotRealNotRealNotReal. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Like a mantra. Like a prayer.

I don’t know that these images flashing through my mind—a movie of someone else, somewhere else—will never really go away, will never ever stop playing, will never stop haunting me. I close my eyes again, but it’s all I can see, all I can feel, all I can hear: his skin, his arms, his legs, his hands too strong, his breath on me, muscles stretching, bones cracking, body breaking, me getting weaker, fading. These things—it’s all there is.

I don’t know how many hours pass before I awake to the usual Sunday morning clamor—pots and pans clanging against the stove. Food smells seeping under my door—bacon, pancakes, Mom’s coffee. TV sounds—cold fronts and storm systems moving through the area by midday—Dad’s weather channel. Dishwasher-running sounds. Yippy yappy dog across the street yips and yaps at probably nothing, as always. And then there’s the almost imperceptible rhythm of a basketball bouncing against the dewy blacktop and the squeaky-sneaker shuffling of feet in the driveway. Our stupid, sleepy suburbia, like every other stupid, sleepy suburbia, awakens groggy, indifferent to its own inconsequence, collectively wishing for one more Saturday and dreading chores and church and to-do lists and Monday morning. Life just goes, just happens, continuing as always. Normal. And I can’t shake the knowledge that life will just keep on happening, regardless if I wake up or not. Obscenely normal.

I don’t know, as I force my eyes open, that the lies are already in motion. I try to swallow. But my throat’s raw. Feels like strep, I tell myself. I must be sick, that’s all. Must have a fever. I’m delirious. Not thinking clearly. I touch my lips. They sting. And my tongue tastes blood. But no, it couldn’t have been. Not real. So as I stare at the ceiling, I’m thinking: I must have serious issues if I’m dreaming stuff like that. Horrible stuff like that. About Kevin. Kevin. Because Kevin is my brother’s best friend, practically my brother. My parents love him like everyone does, even me, and Kevin would never—could never. Not possible. But then I try to move my legs to stand. They’re so sore—no, broken feeling. And my jaw aches like a mouthful of cavities.

I close my eyes again. Take a deep breath. Reach down and touch my body. No underwear. I sit up too fast and my bones wail like I’m an old person. I’m scared to look. But there they are: my days-of-the-week underwear in a ball on the floor. They were my Tuesdays, even though it was Saturday, because, well, who would ever know anyway? That’s what I was thinking when I put them on yesterday. And now I know, for sure, it happened. It actually happened. And this pain in the center of my body, the depths of my insides, restarts its torture as if on cue. I throw the covers off. Kneecap-shaped bruises line my arms, my hips, my thighs. And the blood—on the sheets, the comforter, my legs.

But this was supposed to be an ordinary Sunday.

I was supposed to get up, get dressed, and sit down to breakfast with my family. Then after breakfast, I would promptly go to my bedroom and finish any homework I hadn’t finished Friday night, sure to pay special attention to geometry. I would practice that new song we learned in band, call my best friend, Mara, maybe go to her house later, and do dozens of other stupid, meaningless tasks.

But that’s not what’s going to happen today, I know, as I sit in my bed, staring at my stained skin in disbelief, my hand shaking as I press it against my mouth.

Two knocks on my bedroom door. I jump.

“Edy, you up?” My mother’s voice shouts. I open my mouth, but it feels like someone poured hydrochloric acid down my throat and I might never be able to speak again. Knock, knock, knock: “Eden, breakfast!” I quickly pull my nightgown down as far as it will go, but there’s blood smeared on that, too.

“Mom?” I finally call back, my voice scratchy and horrible.

She cracks the door open. As she peers in her eyes immediately go to the blood. “Oh God,” she gasps, as she slips inside and quickly shuts the door behind her.

“Mom, I—” But how am I supposed say the words, the worst words, the ones I know have to be spoken?

“Oh, Edy.” She sighs, turning her head at me with a sad smile. “It’s okay.”

“Wh—” I start to say. How can it be okay, in what world is this okay?

“This happens sometimes when you’re not expecting it.” She flits around my room, tidying up, barely looking at me while she explains about periods and calendars and counting the days. “It happens to everyone. That’s why I told you, you need to keep track. That way you won’t have to deal with these… surprises. You can be… prepared.”

This is what she thinks this is.

Now, I’ve seen enough TV movies to know you’re supposed to tell. You’re just supposed to fucking tell. “But—”

“Why don’t you hop in the shower, sweetie?” she interrupts. “I’ll take care of this… uh…,” she begins, gesturing with her arm in a wide circle over my bed, searching for the word, “this mess.”

This mess. Oh God, it’s now or never. Now or never. It’s now. “Mom—” I try again.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” she says with a laugh. “It’s fine, really, I promise.” She stands over me, looking taller than she ever has before, handing me my robe, oblivious of my Tuesday underwear crumpled at her feet.

“Mom, Kevin—” I start, but his name in my mouth makes me want to throw up.

“Don’t worry, Edy. He’s out back with your brother. They’re playing basketball. And your father’s glued to the TV, as usual. Nobody’ll see you. Go ahead. Put this on.”

Looking up at her, I feel so small. And Kevin’s voice moves like a tornado through my mind, whispering—his breath on my face—No one will ever believe you. You know that. No one. Not ever.

Then my mom shakes the robe at me, offering me a lie I didn’t even need to think up. She starts getting that look in her eye—that impatient, it’s-the-holidays-and-I-don’t-have-time-for-this look. Clearly, it was time for me to get going so she could deal with this mess. And clearly, nobody was going to hear me. Nobody was going to see me—he knew that. He had been around long enough to know how things work here.

I try to stand without looking like everything is broken. I kick the Tuesdays under the bed so she won’t find them and wonder. I take my robe. Take the lie. And as I look back at my mother, watching her collect the soiled sheets in her arms—the evidence—I know somehow if it’s not now, it has to be never. Because he was right, no one would ever believe me. Of course they wouldn’t. Not ever.

In the bathroom, I carefully peel off my nightgown, holding it at arm’s length as I ball it up and stuff it in the garbage can under the sink. I adjust my glasses and examine myself more closely. There are a few faint marks on my throat in the shape of his fingers. But they’re minor, really, in comparison to the ones on my body. No bruises on my face. Only the two-inch scar above my left eye from my bike accident two summers ago. My hair is slightly more disastrous than usual, but essentially I look the same—I can pass.

By the time I get out of the shower—still dirty, after scrubbing my body raw, thinking I could maybe wash the bruises off—there he is. Sitting at my kitchen table in my dining room with my brother, my father, my mother, sipping my orange juice from my glass—his mouth on a glass I would have to use someday. On a fork that would soon be undifferentiated from all the other forks. His fingerprints not only all over every inch of me, but all over everything: this house, my life, the world—infected with him.

Caelin raises his head and narrows his eyes at me as I cautiously approach the dining room. He can see it. I knew he would see it right away. If anyone was going to notice—if I could count on anyone—it would be my big brother. “Okay, you’re being really weird and intense right now,” he announces. He could tell because he always knew me even better than I knew myself.

So I stand there and wait for him to do something about this. For him to set his fork down, stand up and pull me aside, take me out to the backyard by the arm, and demand to know what’s wrong with me, demand to know what happened. Then I’d tell him what Kevin did to me and he’d give me one of his big brother-isms, like, Don’t worry, Edy, I’ll take care of it. The way he did whenever anyone was picking on me. And then he’d run back inside the house and stab Kevin to death with his own butter knife.

But that’s not what happens.

What happens is he just sits there. Watching me. Then slowly his mouth contorts into one of his smirks—our inside-joke grin—waiting for me to reciprocate, to give him a sign, or just start laughing like maybe I’m trying to secretly make fun of our parents. He’s waiting to get it. But he doesn’t get it. So he just shrugs, looks back down at his plate, and lops off a big slice of pancake. The bullet lodges itself a little deeper in my stomach as I stand there, frozen in the hallway.

“Seriously, what are you staring at?” he mumbles with his mouth full of pancake, in that familiar brotherly, you’re-the-stupidest-person-on-the-face-of-the-earth tone he had perfected over the years.

Meanwhile, Kevin barely even glances up. No threatening looks. No gestures of warning, nothing. As if nothing had even happened. The same cool disregard he always used with me. Like I’m still just Caelin’s dorky little sister with bad hair and freckles, freshman band-geek nobody, tagging along behind them, clarinet case in tow. But I’m not her anymore. I don’t even want to be her anymore. That girl who was so naive and stupid—the kind of girl who could let something like this happen to her.

“Come on, Minnie,” Dad says to me, using my pet name. Minnie as in Mouse, because I was so quiet. He gestured at the food on the table. “Sit down. Everything’s getting cold.”

As I stand in front of them—their Mousegirl—crooked glasses sliding down the bridge of my nose, stripped before eight scrutinizing eyes waiting for me to play my part, I finally realize what it’s all been about. The previous fourteen years had merely been dress rehearsal, preparation for knowing how to properly shut up now. And Kevin had told me, with his lips almost touching mine he whispered the words: You’re gonna keep your mouth shut. Last night it was an order, a command, but today it’s just the truth.

I push my glasses up. And with a sickness in my stomach—something like stage fright—I move slowly, cautiously. Try to act like every part of my body, inside and out, isn’t throbbing and pulsing. I sit down in the seat next to Kevin like I had at countless family meals. Because we considered him part of our family, Mom was always saying it, over and over. He was always welcome. Always.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1481449354
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Margaret K. McElderry Books; First Edition (March 22, 2016)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 384 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781481449359
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1481449359
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 14 years and up
Lexile measure ‏ : ‎ HL640L
Grade level ‏ : ‎ 9 - 12
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1.2 x 8.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #101,568 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books)
- #36 in Teen & Young Adult Fiction on Physical & Emotional Abuse (Books)
- #141 in Teen & Young Adult Fiction about Emotions & Feelings
- #337 in Teen & Young Adult Fiction on Girls' & Women's Issues (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 13,959 ratings

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Amber Smith

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Amber Smith is the award-winning and New York Times bestselling author of the young adult novels The Way I Used to Be, The Last to Let Go, Something Like Gravity, and The Way I Am Now. Along with her middle-grade debut, Code Name: Serendipity, she also contributed to the award-winning YA anthology, Our Stories, Our Voices. As an advocate for increased awareness of mental health, gendered violence, and LGBTQIA+ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help foster change and spark dialogue. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her wife and their ever-growing family of rescued dogs and cats.

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Customers say

Customers find the book amazing, interesting, and addictive to read. They describe the writing quality as well-written, gripping, and easy to read. Readers also find the book insightful, meaningful, and sensitive. They mention the details are true to life and the characters are relatable. Opinions differ on the pacing, with some finding it easy to stay engaged, while others say it's slow.

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Readability Heartbreaking Writing quality Thought provoking Realistic Character development Pacing Pace

309 customers mention "Readability"293 positive16 negative

Customers find the book amazing, interesting, and addictive. They say it's an excellent product and they enjoy the story. However, some readers mention it's tough to read, heartwrenchingly lovely, and gripping.

"This is such an amazing book. If you’re on the fence about getting it, do it! You won’t regret it! It had me hooked and was a definite page turner...." Read more

"...like sad books I probably wouldn’t recommend this, but I thought it was amazing." Read more

"Genuinely one of the best books I’ve ever read...." Read more

"...then for the simple pleasure of reading a well-written, heartwrenching story with a brave and resilient main character." Read more

129 customers mention "Heartbreaking"107 positive22 negative

Customers find the book heartbreaking on many levels. They say the author does an amazing job at expressing the emotional trauma that comes with the act. Readers also describe the writing as raw and gut-wrenching. They mention it's heartfelt, sad, and upsetting. However, they say the ending seems comforting and triumphant.

"I read this book so fast! It was definitely an emotional roller coaster. Definitely recommend." Read more

"...It’s such a sad and tragic book and about the first 100 pages left this pit in my stomach. It gets straight to the point immediately...." Read more

""The Way I Used to Be" by Amber Smith is a poignant and powerful exploration of trauma and recovery through the eyes of a young woman named Eden...." Read more

"...The ending was fine, it was just really abrupt and left a lot of questions unanswered.All-in-all, the book was very good...." Read more

127 customers mention "Writing quality"106 positive21 negative

Customers find the writing gripping, easy to read, and believable. They also say every word is purposeful. Readers mention the story is raw and real.

"...actions of a survivor, then for the simple pleasure of reading a well-written, heartwrenching story with a brave and resilient main character." Read more

"I enjoyed the pace if the book, it was hard to read in some points, but I made it through...." Read more

"...I got to say Amanda Smith made it easy to read...." Read more

"Fast paced read and a difficult topic. This book drew me in on the first page...." Read more

37 customers mention "Thought provoking"37 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful, meaningful, and significant. They say it makes them feel understood through their own trauma. Readers also mention the book discusses sensitive topics and opens their eyes.

"...her survival, "The Way I Used to Be" serves as a powerful testament to the complexities of healing, making it an essential read for anyone seeking..." Read more

"...However, it gives hope you’re not alone. Starts off a little slow in my opinion , but I loved the ending." Read more

"...I don’t really see a lot of people reading this. It’s very deep and triggering for some readers...." Read more

"Fast paced read and a difficult topic. This book drew me in on the first page...." Read more

32 customers mention "Realistic"29 positive3 negative

Customers find the book realistic. They say it depicts the unfortunate events that many young women have faced. Readers also mention the scenes are vivid and the characters are completely real. They describe the story as eye-opening, powerful, and raw.

"...It is such a good book that highlights relationships, trauma, and healing. 10/10" Read more

"...The scenes were so vivid, the characters so completely real. I think it might be another lifetime before I feel this way about a book again...." Read more

"...Its captivating plot made me look forward to diving back into it after school...." Read more

"...It’s so well written and really shows what some go through" Read more

16 customers mention "Character development"12 positive4 negative

Customers find the characters real, relatable, and complex. They say it's easy to feel what the characters feel.

"...It hits you in the heart and makes you really care about the characters." Read more

"...eden is such a beautifully developed character. the writing really hits deep and you feel her agony...." Read more

"...There were a lot of useless subplots and side characters that could’ve been omitted completely and the story would’ve remained the same...." Read more

"...The scenes were so vivid, the characters so completely real. I think it might be another lifetime before I feel this way about a book again...." Read more

16 customers mention "Pacing"11 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the pacing of the book. Some mention it's very easy to stay engaged with the language and main character. However, others say it feels repetitive and unfinished.

"...simple pleasure of reading a well-written, heartwrenching story with a brave and resilient main character." Read more

"...It connected with me on a deep level. Not only did I connect to this book with my younger self i related to Edy through her growth...." Read more

"...” like but for an adult reader it grated my nerves that no one finished a sentence nor could they express any real emotion other than saying “are..." Read more

"...THE WAY I USED TO BE is a brave, gripping, affecting, intense, breathless, if at times uncomfortable read...." Read more

14 customers mention "Pace"4 positive10 negative

Customers find the pacing of the book slow and rushed. They also say there's barely any closure.

"...However, it gives hope you’re not alone. Starts off a little slow in my opinion , but I loved the ending." Read more

"...Im not sure if I was just in a reading slump but it was very slow and took me some time to read...." Read more

"...It gets straight to the point immediately. If you don’t like sad books I probably wouldn’t recommend this, but I thought it was amazing." Read more

"...It was slow at times, but overall I liked it!" Read more

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I've read countless books, both for work and pleasure. After a while, the plots and characters start to run together, and the stories I'm reading now become no more memorable than the last. The Way I Used to Be is one of the few books that stand apart from the rest.

The story follows Eden, a sexual assault survivor who just started high school. Her story is told in four parts, starting as a freshman dealing with the crushing pain of being hurt in the worst way by someone she trusted. We watch as she struggles to come to grips with what happened. I read this book when I was the same age as the main character, and my heart still hurts when I think back on that time. As a reader, I'm careful of books like this because they can leave me feeling drained and empty. I was both by the time I finished, but I also felt so much more. It's weird and rare for me to feel proud of a fictional character, but that's what I was. Eden was so well-written. She felt like a friend I'd known my whole life, or maybe even a part of myself, and when she hurt, I hurt. What happens to her and the aftermath of it was hard to read but so worth reading.

As a woman, I've grown up on the cautionary tales of sexual abuse. Where to spot it, how to avoid it, what to do after. Most of my knowledge of sexual assault comes firsthand from friends and family who've experienced it. With this comes ingrained hyperawareness and the naive thought that, despite having never experienced it myself, I understood it. But nothing compares to being inside the head of someone who has lived it. There is so much more that goes on than I could've ever imagined. It was eye-opening and painful because so much of the aftermath is just silent suffering. I can't help but think back to the countless stories I've heard and wonder what parts my friends sugar-coated, or left out completely, for my benefit. It hurts to know that there is nothing I could do for the pain I couldn't see. Though I emphasized with Eden the most, I also felt for her friends and family, because I have played that role before, and I can only hope that I was there for them when they needed me.

I think this is a book that everyone should read, if not for the chance to better understand the thought process and actions of a survivor, then for the simple pleasure of reading a well-written, heartwrenching story with a brave and resilient main character.

6 people found this helpful

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midwestmom

Beautiful Book

Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2024

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This is such an amazing book. If you’re on the fence about getting it, do it! You won’t regret it! It had me hooked and was a definite page turner. Plus, there’s a second book to turn to after you’re done!

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kimberly weeks

Very tragic

Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2024

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I’ve never been super big in to books or reading, but I couldn’t put this one down. It’s such a sad and tragic book and about the first 100 pages left this pit in my stomach. It gets straight to the point immediately. If you don’t like sad books I probably wouldn’t recommend this, but I thought it was amazing.

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Amazon Customer

masterpiece

Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2024

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Genuinely one of the best books I’ve ever read. I felt like before reading this book I had a solid understanding of situations like this, but reading it in a first person perspective forces you to understand all the reasons someone might not want to tell anyone, all of the emotions you might go through and how it impacts you long term.

3 people found this helpful

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Bayli S.

Beautifully written

Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2024

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I read this book so fast! It was definitely an emotional roller coaster. Definitely recommend.

2 people found this helpful

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Lillian S.

Easy Read, Okay Story

Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2024

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SPOILERS AHEAD.
The main character, Eden, is a strangely dislikable character. Given what she’s gone through, you’d think it’d be easy to sympathize and empathize with her, but no. She’s rude and just an awful person to her friends and family a lot of the time. Her relationship with Josh is also pretty bad. They don’t do anything except hookup with each other, and yet they’re depicted as this Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater type of love story. Their relationship is so toxic and Eden lies to Josh and doesn’t appreciate him at all. There were a lot of useless subplots and side characters that could’ve been omitted completely and the story would’ve remained the same. The ending felt rushed and unsatisfying. After 3 years, Eden finally opens up about her assault, but this happens in the last 10-15 pages of the book. Highly disappointing! We also don’t know what happens to the guy who assaulted her.

9 people found this helpful

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Brooke Clark

good book

Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2024

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good book. read more than once. (didn’t like the second book) decent quality material.

2 people found this helpful

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MommaLayne

Hope in the Face of Adversity

Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2024

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"The Way I Used to Be" by Amber Smith is a poignant and powerful exploration of trauma and recovery through the eyes of a young woman named Eden. After a devastating incident with her brother’s best friend shatters her sense of safety and identity, Eden's once straightforward life becomes a complex web of confusion, anger, and silence. As she grapples with the emotional fallout, she buries her pain and struggles to adapt to the changing landscape of her adolescence.

Told across four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—Smith intricately weaves Eden's journey through the challenges of growing up, including the realities of first love, heartbreak, and the often tumultuous nature of friendship. While the narrative dives deep into the scars left by trauma, it also highlights Eden's resilience and the gradual realization of her own strength. As she learns to confront her past and embrace her survival, "The Way I Used to Be" serves as a powerful testament to the complexities of healing, making it an essential read for anyone seeking understanding and hope in the face of adversity.

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arzoo

BEST BOOK YOU WILL EVER READ!!

Reviewed in Canada on November 25, 2023

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Haven’t received it yet but i read this before and it’s my ABSOLUTE most FAVOURITE book. I read it at the lowest time of my life last year and Eden is just ugh like she deserved the world. I can’t wait to read the second book, this book is DEFINITELY worth the read. Also it is VERY emotional and you won’t be able to stop thinking about this book for DAYS. I read this in about 2 or 3 days, I was so hooked.

Mr Frank Brand

This is a great book to read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 24, 2024

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Good bed time reading

Eylül Özbek

Do not buy this book. ‼️‼️‼️

Reviewed in Turkey on August 7, 2024

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I only could have read 100 pages. I couldn’t finish it.

Alma

Gillar

Reviewed in Sweden on April 12, 2024

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Gillar verkligen denna. Man kan vekrligen relatera och det är en fin story. Händer inte jätte mycekt dock

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Kamlesh K.

Quality was good

Reviewed in India on March 20, 2024

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Packaging was good and the book was in good condition

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