Conversational Messages

Presentation on theme: "Conversational Messages"— Presentation transcript:

1 Conversational Messages

2 Principles of Conversation
Conversation is an essential part of interpersonal communication Relatively informal social interaction Roles of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a nonautomatic fashion All parties collaborate and manage conversation

3 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
The principle of process: conversation is a five-stage developmental process

4 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Stage One: Opening Greeting/ Initiate Phatic communication – small talk, establishes a connection, opens channel for further talk Sets tone of conversation Opening references (do you refer to Self, Others, Relational (“May I buy you a coffee?”) or Context (“This painting is fantastic.”) Opening lines (openers designed to begin romantic relationship). Cute-flippant (“I bet the cherries aren’t as sweet as you are.”) Innocuous/ambiguous (“Could you show me how to work this machine?”) Direct (“I feel a little embarrassed, but I’d like to meet you.”)

5 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Stage Two: Feedforward ex. “I’ve got to tell you about Jack.” or “Busy this weekend?” Signals the nature of the conversation Previews the message (“I’m afraid I have bad news for you,” or “Listen before you make a move.”) Disclaims (“I’m not against immigration, but . . .”) Altercasts = to place the receiver in a specific role (“As an advertising executive, what do you think about corrective advertising?”)

6 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Stage Three: Business Substance or focus of your conversation Most conversations are goal directed Taboo topics should be avoided by outsiders

7 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Stage Four: Feedback Reflect back on conversation (“So you want to send Jack a get-well card?” or “I’ll call for reservations, and you’ll shop for what we need.”) Signal that business is completed Positive or negative Person focused or message focused (“You’re sweet,” or “Your argument is good.”) Immediate or delayed Low monitoring (totally honest reaction) or high monitoring (carefully constructed/censored) Supportive or critical

8 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Stage Five: Closing The goodbye Reveals how satisfied you are with conversation Can be difficult and awkward (who says the last goodbye?)

9 How might you “open” a conversation with the person in each scenario?
On the first day of class, you and another student are the first to come into the classroom and are seated in the room alone. You're a guest at a friend's party. You're one of the first guests to arrive and are now there with several other people to whom you've only just been introduced. Your friend, the host, is busy with other matters.

10 How might you “open” a conversation with the person in each scenario?
You've just started a new job in a large office where you're one of several computer operators. It seems as if most of the other people know each other. You're in the college cafeteria eating alone. You see another student who is also eating alone and who you've seen in your English Literature class. You're not sure if this person has noticed you in class.

11 How might you “close” a conversation with the person in each scenario?
You and a friend have been talking on the phone for the last hour but not much new is being said. You have a great deal of work to get to and would like to close the conversation. Your friend just doesn't seem to hear your subtle cues. You're at a party and are anxious to meet a person with whom you've exchanged eye contact for the last 10 minutes. The problem is that a friendly and talkative former teacher of yours is demanding all your attention. You don't want to insult the instructor but at the same time you want to make contact with this other person.

12 How might you “close” a conversation with the person in each scenario?
You've had a conference with a teacher and have learned what you needed to know. This teacher, however, doesn't seem to know how to end the conversation, seems very ill at ease, and just continues to go over what has already been said. You have to get to your next class and must close the conversation. You're at a party and notice a person you would like to get to know. You initiate the conversation but after a few minutes realize that this person is not the kind of person with whom you would care to spend any more time. You want to close this conversation as soon as possible.

13 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Principle of cooperation Cooperation – you implicitly agree to try to understand each other Conversational maxims – general rules to follow Quantity (say only as much as necessary/ no chain s) Quality (Say what is true, not what is false) Relation (Say things that are relevant to conversation) Manner (be clear, be relatively brief, adjust language, etc.) Maxims vary culturally

14 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Which maxims do the following clips violate? Quantity (say only as much as necessary/ no chain s) Quality (Say what is true, not what is false) Relation (Say things that are relevant to conversation) Manner (be clear, be relatively brief, adjust language, etc.)

15 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Principle of politeness Tact (helps maintain other’s autonomy, ex. “I know you’re busy, but…”) Generosity (“I’ll walk the dog; I see you’re busy”) Approbation (praise) (“I was really moved by your poem”) Modesty (“Thank you, but I couldn’t have done this without your input.”) Agreement (“The color you selected was just right; it makes the room exciting”) Sympathy (“I understand how you feel; I’m so sorry.”)

16 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Principle of dialogue Monologue – one person speaks and the other listens; no real interaction Dialogue – two way interaction where both participants are speaker and listener

17 Principles of Conversation (cont.)
Principle of turn taking Verbal and nonverbal cues signal conversational turns Speaker cues Turn-maintaining Turn-yielding Listener cues Turn-requesting Turn-denying

18 Conversational Disclosure: Revealing Yourself
Self-disclosure – communicating information about yourself that you usually keep hidden

19 Conversational Disclosure: Revealing Yourself
How willing would you be to disclose the following items to, say, members of this class? Some of the happiest moments in your life. Aspects of your personality that you don’t like. Your most embarrasing moment. Your sexual fantasies. Your greatest fears.

20 Conversational Disclosure (cont.)
Influences on self-disclosure Who you are (temperament, competence, self-esteem) Culture Gender Listeners Topic

21 Conversational Disclosure (cont.)
Rewards and dangers of self-disclosure Rewards Self-knowledge Communication and relationship effectiveness Physiological well-being (ex. Those who don’t share when grieving often get sick.) Dangers Relational Professional

22 Conversational Disclosure (cont.)
Guidelines for self-disclosure Making self-disclosures Appropriate motivations (not out of a desire to harm) Appropriate context (right time and place?) Disclose gradually (“Tell me about yourself” “well….”) Without imposing burdens on yourself or others (can you afford to lose your job if you disclose your arrest record?)

23 Conversational Disclosure (cont.)
Guidelines for self-disclosure (cont.) Facilitating and responding to disclosure Effective and active listening Support and reinforce the discloser Be willing to reciprocate Confidentiality

24 Conversational Disclosure (cont.)
Guidelines for self-disclosure (cont.) Resisting pressure to disclose Don’t be pushed Be assertive Delay a decision Be indirect and change topics

25 Everyday Conversations
Small talk Topics and contexts Noncontroversial and innocuous Brief In-flight intimacy

26 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Small talk (cont.) Guidelines Be positive Watch for leave-taking cues Stress similarities Be brief but elaborate

27 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Excuses and apologies Excuse – explanation designed to reduce negative impact and maintain image Types of excuses I didn’t do it It wasn’t so bad Yes, but

28 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Excuses and apologies (cont.) Good and bad excuses (guidelines) Understand and legitimize other’s feelings Take responsibility Acknowledge your own displeasure Make it clear it won’t happen again

29 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Excuses and apologies (cont.) Apology – expression of regret for something you did Repair relationship Repair reputation

30 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Excuses and apologies (cont.) Guidelines for apologizing Admit wrongdoing Be apologetic Be specific Express understanding Assure it won’t happen again Omit excuses Don’t take the easy way out (ex. through ) Don’t expect the other person to apologize

31 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Complimenting – praise, flattery Backhanded compliment – insult masked as a compliment (“Looks like you finally lost a few pounds, right?”) Guidelines for complimenting Be real and honest Moderation Be totally complimentary (no “but ____”) Specific Be personal in your own feelings

32 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Complimenting (cont.) Guidelines for receiving Don’t deny or minimize Smile with eye contact Say thank you Explain why it’s important to you

33 Everyday Conversations (cont.)
Advice Sometimes, you can give direct advice (i.e. “you should do Z”) Meta-advice – advice about advice Explore options and choices Seek expert advice Delay a decision (“l don’t know; let me get back to you”)