Orange Juice Jokes

Why is a blonde girl staring at the orange juice box?
The orange juice box says, "Concentrated."

I knew a blonde that was so s**... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "Concentrate."

A woman went shopping.
She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste...
All of a sudden the salesman asks her:
"You're single, aren't you?"
A bit surprised woman smiles and answers:
"That's right, but how did you guessed that?"
"Because you're so ugly."

Why did the horses kept saying orange juice?
Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

Why did the lady keep staring at her glass of orange juice?

because the carton said "concentrate" on it.

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

Bag Boy

This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."

Orange Jews

Three of my best friends and I are Jewish in a school with a total of probably 20 Jewish kids (so everyone know we are Jewish). This year for Halloween, the four of us are all going dressed in orange morph suits. If anyone asks what we are, we will simply respond with "orange juice."

Does anyone know where concentrate is?

I've been drinking lovely orange juice from there for years now..

How did h**... like his orange juice?

Concentrated.

Why did h**... prefer apples to oranges?

He didn't like the juice.

What made the orange stop suddenly?

It just ran out of juice.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice box?

Because it says "concentrate"

h**... didn't like oranges.

He hated the juice.

Why did the orange juice fail his math exam?

He wasn't concentrated.

How do Protestants like their orange juice?

without Pope

A Priest a Rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar...

The Priest orders an orange juice, the Rabbi orders an apple juice and the Scientologist orders a lawsuit for libel, slander and defamation.

I asked my friend if drinking Metamucil because I love the taste of orange juice is weird

She said, "no... regular people do it all the time!"

Grocery stores nowadays have amazing selection

We have powdered milk, powdered orange juice, powdered eggs, baby powder...

Why can't you buy carbonated orange juice?

Because we already learnt our lesson about gassing juice.

An orange juice factory decides to host a movie night..

They will be screening Pulp Fiction

My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday

I cannot concentrate!

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"

Why did the boy stare at his orange juice for so long?

Because it said, Concentrate.

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?

Alcoholism

What do you get when rabbis eat too many carrots?

Orange juice.

Do you think an orange wants to be juice?

Or is it just pear pressure?

A boy was b**... groceries at a supermarket.

One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

Why did the orange stop rolling halfway up the hill?

Because he ran out of juice!

What do you call a program that teaches kids how to make orange juice?

A concentration camp

What do you call fake orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

What do you call it when orange juice lies about the amount of pulp it has?

Pulp fiction

What do you call the head of an Orange juice factory?

Chief Naval Officer

What do you call a cocktail of v**..., orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"

What do you call a focused Jew who drinks Orange Juice?

100% concentrated.

How can you tell when you're in a math problem?

Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives

The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."

I just found out that 10 fl oz of orange juice has 28g of sugar

Who knew that OJ is the real killer

Do oranges wanna be juice?

Or are they just preassured into it?

What's the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One makes acidic juice and one makes Hasidic Jews.

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

Yesterday I had a dream about swimming in orange juice...

Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea

Why does a blonde stare on a bottle of orange juice for a long time?

Because on the bottle it says "concentrate."

An anteater walks into a bar

The anteater asks the bartender for a drink and the bartender asks "is Pepsi okay?" The anteater replies "noooooooooooo". So the bartender asks "is orange juice okay? And once again the anteater replies "noooooooooooo". One more time the bartender asks "how about water?" The anteater agrees that water is fine. So the anteater gets his drink and the bartender can't help but ask the anteater one final question.
"So, why the long no's?"

I have a friend named Phillip

He loves mixing orange juice and v**.... Loves it so much that he had a special glass made with his face on it.
It's always nice to see Phillip's head screwdrivers.

Liquor before beer and you're clear but

Toothpaste before orange juice and you're dead

Astounding.

Walking down the grocery aisles I see orange juice powder, just add water. Powdered milk , just add water. Then I see baby powder and I think what a time to be alive!

I used to work at an orange juice factory...

But I couldn't CONCENTRATE so I got CANNED

I saw my dad staring at a glass of juice one night

I went to bed and the next morning he offered me the juice, "What is it?" I asked.
He replies "It's orange juice, from concentrate."

Welcome to the Orange Juice Simulator!

So much concentration.

Why was the the blonde staring at the orange juice container ?

It said Concentrate

Why did the orange turn into juice?

Because it was pressured into doing so.

Why did the customer drink the apple juice?

Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.

Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.

Then she says "Letting you play with my a**... was a mistake."

I called my dad from the shop saying I'd forgotten what orange juice he asked for.

Concentrate he said, but I still couldn't remember!

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the v**....

In Soviet Union a Screwdriver is not Orange Juice with v**......

It's v**... with Orange Juice
(Jokester's Note: Russian v**... is the best in the world regarding to taste, which inspired me to make this joke, love y'all(as far as a westerner goes))

I found I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice.

My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars , but I really think it's the v**...

I've found that I'm a lot happier

Since I switched from coffee to orange juice in the mornings. My doctor said it's because of the citrus and natural sugars. I think it's just the v**....