This is a guest post by Eric M. Earle on working with your disconnected teen.
It can be painful to see your teenager growing into their adult self, but they act like they don’t want to share anything with you. As a parent, I’m sure you’re very interested in your teen’s life, but the more you try to connect, the more they pull away.
This frustrating pattern is over because I’ve got five excellent methods for connecting with a disengaged teenager.
1. Make Their Interests, Your Interests
The first strategy I want to share is to engage with your teen’s interests. It could be that you’re disconnected because you don’t know anything about their favorite TV show, the music they like, or the social media accounts they follow. I’m not saying it has to become your new passion, but I think you should dedicate some time to understanding what your teenager loves. You shouldn’t have to fake it and pretend that you’re just as obsessed as your teen, but you do want to be knowledgeable enough to have an intelligent conversation. When you ask insightful questions about something they care about, they’re sure to give you a thoughtful answer.
2. Create a routine family activity
One of the greatest ways to have a good time and engage with your teen is to create a weekly tradition. Regular family get-togethers can help you and your teen to connect over something everyone loves to do. It might be playing a game of soccer, going out to a favorite restaurant, or having a board game night. You could even try reading the same book and sharing your favorite parts. I suggest you ask your teen what they find enjoyable and meaningful so they look forward to your weekly hang out time, instead of worrying about it.
3. Check-in When They Get Home
This next tip isn’t about hovering over your teen whenever they get in the door, it’s more about taking advantage of their positive energy after a night out. If your teen spends the evening with their friends at the movies, they might come home in a great mood, conversational, and maybe a little tired. This is a time when their guard is totally down, so you can offer to make them a late-night snack while they fill you in about the fun time they had. If you’re looking for conversation starters, you could try something inspirational.
4. Notice Their Low Moods
Another method for engaging with your teen is paying attention to when they are feeling down. As a parent, you want to demonstrate your unconditional love, but sometimes that love can feel overbearing to a teenager who wants to be left alone. One way you can offer them support without scaring them away is to remind them how much you care when they are having a bad day, or when you get in a fight.
You could try saying something like, “Hey, it seems to me that you might be worried about something, and you don’t have to tell me what it is, but I want you to know that I care about you and I’m here for you if there’s anything you need.” Being a shoulder to cry on is extremely valuable for a teenager, so it’s good to be there, I think it’s just as important to give them space and let them come to you when they’re ready to share.
4. Say I’m Sorry
Apologizing to your teen can be difficult, but admit it. Sometimes you scream, you fight, or you do something you shouldn’t have. Teens can move away from you because they don’t think you care. At this point, it’s important to let your teen know that you’re not the expert on being 16. They are. I think you should let them know that you’re trying your best, but sometimes you make mistakes, we all do. Your teen is sure to listen because this is something they want to hear from their parents.
You might want to ask your teen if there is something you can do to prevent missteps in the future. Creating a level playing field where you can collaborate with your teenager on a solution is a great way to connect and it makes you more relatable. Your teen might apologize to you or open up about difficult conversations more often after you’ve modeled this positive behavior.
A Strong Relationship is Critical
Teenagers are in a very fragile stage of their lives. Even though they think they distancing themselves from their parents as a way to branch out, they’ll really appreciate your support and encouragement throughout these methods. I hope a few of these strategies work well in your family so you and your teen can feel closer and happier.
You can learn more about Eric M. Earle at tutorportland.com.
